Why We Love Football, and Why We Hate Goodell

8

 
beers5

There are times when football helps us maintain our grip on things. And there are times, like now, when Roger Goodell threatens that grip by threatening football.

 
Quick Out, April 4, 2013

Ever had one of Those Days? You need Flomaton™. (In joke) You know what I mean: the kind that starts out wrong and just keeps getting worse, so that before you’ve even finished brushing your teeth you know the best thing you can do is just go back to bed and wake up tomorrow.

But no: you have to get up and face the day; and sure enough, it spits in your face.

There are times, of course, when that kind of day happens on a Sunday during the season; and the result is the purest kind of misery that doesn’t entail actual, you know, death or something. Most of the time, though, these days have nothing to do with football; and that’s why we sometimes can use the Saints as a lever to pry ourselves off the deck and actually regain our feet, our perspective, our sanity. After all, even when they were bad there was always hope, and dark humor. And the Saints got us through years of no championships better than championships got us through years of no Saints (believe me: I lived for years in San Francisco).

And that brings us to why Roger Goodell should serve as an unanesthetized test subject for urinary surgery: because he destroyed our season last year. And because this year he seems to have his eye on the entire NFL.

And yeah: I get it that it’s the owners, and not Goodell, who keep passing heinously stupid rules. But when Pete Rozelle was Commissioner, the league—and the game— had an actual steward, instead of a henchman. Rozelle would have told the owners to stop acting like greedy, feeble-minded putzes. Surely. Not even Paul Tagliabue would have sat idly by while ownership made a mockery of the sport. Surely. By contrast, Goodell has been Igor to the owners’ Frankenstein. It’s Goodell who keeps muttering “Yes, master,” when he should be clobbering the barmy son of a bitch over the head with a knife switch.

Still, it’s not as though he’s a mastermind…so why hate Goodell? Because it’s so damned easy. Maybe the real damage is being done by those committees; but who can hate a committee? Not me. Committees do their dirty deeds behind decently-closed doors. And committees are faceless: they don’t go on national television and smirk while they lie.

But the biggest reason to hate, loathe, and despise Roger Ellsworthovich Goodell is that he, and he alone, is in a position to stop the bullshit. And he won’t. So Goodell belongs in the same special circle of Hell as, say, John Roberts.

Plus, it’s been a shitty day, and my phone is still ringing, and there’s not enough beer in the entire world to turn this thing around. So I’m going to hit the reset button: I’m going to bed, there to dream of Goodell getting stuck in the grease trap at the Camellia Grill. You can hear his fingernails scrabbling for a handhold; and that sucking noise you hear is his feet struggling to maintain their purchase on the head of Jerry Jones (who is standing on Robert Kraft, who is standing on…).

I shall awake refreshed.

Posted by Himself in Quick Out | 8 comments

8 Comments

Please note: This Comments section is provided as a forum in which visitors may express themselves freely, as in any other public forum in America. However, slanderous, threatening, abusive, or off-topic replies, or spam of any kind, are subject to deletion. (Threats, for that matter, will be promptly reported to the proper authorities.) We also reserve the right to terminate user accounts at any time, at our discretion. Readers should not assume any endorsement by Who Dat Social Club of any opinion or assertion of fact occurring in any comment (other than those generated as replies by the writers of Who Dat Social Club), or linked to by any comment. Having said all this: have at it, and thank your forefathers for their wisdom in guaranteeing free speech, and Al Gore for inventing the Internet.

  • AcadieApril 5, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

     

    And that brings us to why Roger Goodell should serve as an unanaesthetized test subject for urinary surgery.

    I’m still rooting for public emasculation. Unanaesthetized, of course.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
    • HimselfApril 5, 2013 at 7:31 pm

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

       

      I knew I could count on you to cheer me up.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
  • PhilistineApril 8, 2013 at 2:09 pm

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

     

    Are you refreshed yet?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
    • HimselfApril 8, 2013 at 3:56 pm

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

       

      I’m refreshed, but nothing is happening. I could always fall back on irresponsible speculation. For instance, the Saints might be interested in Manti Teo, and if they draft him they’ll cut Jonathan Vilma. Let the aneurysms begin.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
  • PhilistineApril 8, 2013 at 5:18 pm

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

     

    Here’s a real one: the Saints signed safety Jim Leonhard to a one-year deal.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
    • HimselfApril 8, 2013 at 6:34 pm

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

       

      Boy, now I know we’re going back to the Super Bowl. Leonhard! Leonhard! We’ve got Leonhard here! Nobody cares. Nice hat.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
      • PhilistineApril 8, 2013 at 7:32 pm

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

         

        I’m shivering with excitement – or is it the flu? I’m not sure.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
        • PhilistineApril 8, 2013 at 7:32 pm

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

           

          At least it’s not an aneurism.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

Leave a comment

Create an Account | Already a member?

Archives

Categories

Blogroll

The Crass Upstarts

“A riot is an ugly thing.”

The Legitimate Media

“Now, gods, stand up for bastards!”

The Establishment

“Love ’em or hate’em, ya gotta love ’em. And hate ’em.”

Support Troops

“In token of our appreciation for services rendered, this fine, fat link.”

Because We Care

“FYYFF.”