Where’s Rita?

5

 

 

Rita Benson Leblanc’s spiffy new headquarters.

Looks like there’s more trouble in paradise than we thought possible. Rita Benson Leblanc, the luckiest heiress in the world, might not become much of an heiress after all. (Which leaves the door open for me, I guess, if I make my move fast enough.)

Here are the facts:

Well, here are the innuendos: Rita is “all over the map,” literally and figuratively. She loves “the glitz and glamour” of being an NFL owner (which she isn’t…not yet), but doesn’t want to “roll up her sleeves and get into the business side of it.” This was according to an insider known as Mr. One Source.

I can’t say the web is exactly agog over Jeff Duncan’s writeup in the Times-Picayune. (And Jeff, this is the second link I’ve given you on this, so you now owe me big-time. These don’t come cheap.) NFL.com, CBS, and ProFootballTalk all picked this up, but that’s all I could find out of the bigs. Maybe, since it’s just an off-field rumor, Jeff’s audition for a chance to escape the provinces will have to be dialed up a notch.

But it could be significant, for all that. Rita is being depicted as an out-of-control rich kid with a serious case of the Entitlements who’s going to treat the Saints like a bust-out joint as soon as she gets the keys. Anyone who remembers the turmoil for the Rams when they were taken over by a crazy lady hopes the Saints can avoid a repeat of that episode.

I can see this happening one of three ways. Well, four ways actually: the first being, nothing is happening. But if something is happening, then three ways. Definitely, three ways.

First possibility: “Goddammit, Rita, ya office is in a state o’ chaos! [the part of Tom Benson is played by Charles Durning] No one here knows his ass from his acetabulum, an’ all you do is spen more o’ my money than Roger Goodell. I’m herebah relievin you o’ ya duties until foither notice. An’ is dat a tattoo?”

Second possibility: “You’re what!?”

Third possibility: “Lissen, cher [the part of Tom Benson is played by Dennis Quaid]…dis ain’t no good tahm to be marketin director fo’ dis franchahse. I t’ink it’s tahm you took a little vacation, get you outta da public ah fo’ awhall. Cher, is dat a tattoo?”

So which is it? Who knows? I don’t believe for a moment that Jeff Duncan, or anyone Duncan has spoken to, is privy to Benson’s plans for his estate. What the man may be planning for the succession, only the man knows. Hell, Rita might just be under the weather. Do you—or does Duncan—honestly believe you can do business in any state capital without making enough enemies to source a hit piece? The only reason a story like this makes the rounds in the first place is this is the Saints we’re talking about. If we started a rumor that Drew Brees was gay, I bet it would take off and eventually make it into ProFootballTalk. Nothing is too ridiculous that it doesn’t take on life, so long as it’s about the Saints. I don’t believe all this Rita mess for a minute.

Still, if it’s true…

Posted by Himself in Lovely Rita | 5 comments

5 Comments

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  • stujo4April 23, 2012 at 5:56 pm

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    Betty Ford/Hazelden. That is all.

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  • FrenchieApril 23, 2012 at 10:43 pm

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    I’ll volunteer…She needs an Aguirela spanking

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  • Just Nother DayApril 24, 2012 at 4:21 am

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    You can put me down for “Third possibility.”

    (the part of Himself is played by

    this dude)

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    • HimselfApril 24, 2012 at 4:14 pm

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      Dorothy Gale had a tattoo?

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      • Just Nother DayApril 25, 2012 at 5:34 am

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        Yep. It’s a tattoo of bacon. The dog loves it! (You fill in the rest.)

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