Where No Man Has Gone Before
53 Posted on April 9th, 2012 by Himself
“Warp factor fucking ninety, Mr. Carmichael!”
Well, so much for appeals. My Lord Goodell has discovered he was right all along, and Sean Payton, Mickey Loomis, and Joe Vitt shall serve their well-meted punishments. So let it be written, so let it be done.
We really had no reason to expect otherwise. Not only has Goodell never demonstrated either flexibility, proportionality, or humility, but also there was nothing new to lay before him. I think this time the media had it right: Payton was simply playing for time. Time to get his ducks in a row. Time to arrange for his successor to take over the bridge. Time to repair the damage to the engineering compartment, put in a new stock of dilithium crystals, purge the ship of tribbles, and put to space. To kick some ass.
This is right in line with the original mission statement, too: “To boldly go where no man has gone before.” Never before has the NFL kicked a Super Bowl-winning coach to the curb in this fashion. And if the Saints play this thing right, never before has Roger Goodell been dumped in a cesspit this deep. Sean Payton, motivator extraordinaire and winner of a Super Bowl, yields the con to Bill Parcells, motivator extraordinaire and winner of a two Super Bowls. “The club and the individuals will be expected to cooperate in any further proceedings” must be Klingon for “Oops.” Because—again, if the Saints play this thing right—My Lord Goodell has just been forked.
No, forked: as in, two pieces attacked simultaneously. How in the world can Goodell make an example of the Saints if they tear through the NFL like a photon torpedo through Chinese drywall? If he exudes mercy (yes, with Goodell it is a disease) and allows Payton to helm the Super Bowl run, then obviously he didn’t do enough to punish the Saints. But if he bans Payton and the Saints win the damn thing anyway, he still didn’t do enough. Obviously. Plus, he’s racist.
Yeah, I know, that last bit didn’t make sense (like it usually does?). But neither does anything that’s happened since the NFL first accused the Saints of crimes against humanity. Fortunately, the world seems to be waking up and taking notice. Around the fringes, reporters and columnists seem finally to be grokking that it’s all an enormous public relations stunt to convince the public (read: “jury pool”) that the NFL gives a damn about player safety; and besides, it’s the players’ own fault anyway. The latest to take notice are Brian Frederick in the Huffington Post and Dan Le Batard in the Miami Herald. As usual, the bloggers have been leading the way; among the media, it’s the small-fry who first notice that something stinks with the official story; and the Peter Kings and Pete Priscos keep on blundering the wrong way up the offramp. Plus, they’re racist.
“I dunno…maybe send in Shanle?”
Well, so much for Parcells. I mean, surely the media is reporting the truth this time. Either way, it gives me an excuse for another Photoshop session…which takes the sting away from losing out on something that would have been truly epic.
No it doesn’t. Who am I kidding? Merde…
Oh me of little faith. Little faith in the media, that is…yet I keep getting caught over and over again, just like everyone else. Pat Kirwan has an opinion piece at CBS Sports today about the probability of Parcells taking the job. The relevant quote:
Bill Parcells knows exactly how to put out the fire of expectations. He simply says he’s not going to do it, and the story goes on the shelf for the time being. Joe Vitt the interim head coach and suspended for the first six games? I don’t think so.
Kirwan has worked with Parcells; he knows a lot of people who know Parcells; and he seems convinced that Parcells actually wants the job (as he should). According to Kirwan, nine out of ten Parcells friends he spoke with believed he wanted to coach the Saints; one thought his health might not allow it.
So what will happen? Who knows? Not me…but not the media, either. All they can do right now is express opinions which may or may not have any more validity than our own.
Pat Kirwan is also only expressing his opinion. He’s making a guess. But the fact that he knows and has worked with Parcells makes his opinion more trustworthy than most.
Only Parcells and Mickey Loomis really know what’s going on…and Mickey probably has doubts, too.