Son of a bitch bastards!

11

 

 

Be of good cheer, Saints fans. If football teaches us anything, it teaches us to accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace.

How’s that working for ya? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

And, of course, it helps that Atlanta is 7-0 and looking to be the likeliest contender for the NFC representative in the Superdome next February. Won’t that just be special, for Matty Ice, Rodney White, and the Falcons to snap up a Lombardi in our house? I’m sure the chortling is non-stop right now in The City Too Busy to Have a Character.

Actually, I hardly yelled at the television at all. I expected the Saints to blow, and blow they did. I was inured. Even after a Super Bowl championship, the old muscle memory kicks in quickly when you have forty years of it to call on. (And if disgust isn’t a muscle, what is it? I ask you.)

Yeah, sucks to be a Saints fan again. Even more than it sucks to be a Pittsburgh fan, all of whom must have been mortified yesterday to see their team, in a fugue state, show up in bee costumes. Yet they won. Maybe we should get in on that action: clearly, the Steelers knew they had to win, or the day would go down in infamy. So let’s put our heads together, and come up with an historically hideous alternate uniform: maybe purple, green and gold, with feathers and sequins. And a tutu. Add a strap-on, or even two. If they’re going to play like degenerate clowns, why not dress the part?

Nah, wouldn’t work: New Orleans would get behind it. “Add more feathers! Mighty cooty fiyo!”

“See that squad all dressed in green
Iko iko an day
That’s not a defense, it’s a no-tackling, no coverage, interception-dropping machine
Jockamo fee na nay!”

What the hell…maybe this isn’t really the Saints that keeps showing up. Maybe it’s the Krewe de Vieux in black leotards. Maybe they’re just mocking us, the NFL, and everything. Maybe it’s time to just kick back and enjoy the glorious absurdity of it all. Who the hell else but New Orleanians would be capable of having fun with a season like this?

So, having fun yet?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Look, if it helps, I think I understand what’s happening. Surely you all remember that Boudreaux joke, in which he dies and goes to Hell? And the devil turns down the thermostat, and Boudreaux starts celebrating because he thinks it means the Saints have won the Super Bowl? Because we always knew we’d win it when hell froze over, right?

Well, what we didn’t realize was that the Saints might not be the actual cold front. See, a few years back, America elected a black president (I am not making this up). And sure enough, the next season the Saints skated right on into Miami and picked up a Lombardi. Hell was already frozen solid…we had nothing to do with it.

But starting about November 2010, Hell began to thaw, and the Saints began to slip and slide and fall on their asses. And now, when polling data strongly suggests that Hell may be totally defrosted by about January 20, 2013, our historical suckiness is reasserting itself. In fact, the Saints’ sudden and emphatic ineptitude is maybe the best indication of which way the election is actually heading.

But be of good cheer, Saints fans: it’s still manageable. In fact, it’s not even up to the team on the field any more: it’s up to us. It ain’t over ’til it’s over. Vote early and often, and the Saints can go back to being the juggernaut we’ve grown used to seeing. How can anything relating to the economy or foreign policy compare to the that?

Posted by Himself in Game Day | 11 comments

11 Comments

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  • Breesus Christ SuperstarOctober 29, 2012 at 10:22 am

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    Glad to see this place is still open.
    I, too, took this beating like a man. I imagined this game would be like the 2007 opener, and it was. I thought our offense would be more effective, but what’s the point when the D is giving up 500 plus yards and 30 plus points per game?
    Now the question for this week is do I want to take it like a man in person? Do I take a half day off work Monday to be at the dome and take a considerable financial hit on top of the ticket price I’ve already spent? Not sure this team is worth it. Although, watching Micael Vick fail would be enjoyable, it seems unlikely. At least at home I can change the channel.

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    • HansDatOctober 29, 2012 at 2:38 pm

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      Yes, take it like a man. Maybe the Saints will actually win!! Maybe.

      And Himself, did you see that Ralph referenced WDSC in his Forecast Column today?

      CITATION

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      • HimselfOctober 29, 2012 at 4:25 pm

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        I did not see that…thanks for pointing it out. I’ve had a small spate of new signups–I wonder if that’s the reason.

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  • PhilistineOctober 29, 2012 at 10:43 am

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    What the hell…maybe this isn’t really the Saints that keeps showing up. Maybe it’s the Krewe de Vieux in black leotards.

    I think it’s the Phunny Phorty Phive Phellows, but they weren’t all that phunny last night.

    Oddly, the defense seemed better – as they gave up five hundred-plus yards yet again. Hell, I’m going to give the Denver Broncos some props; they ran the ball well, and Manning made some impressive throws. The Saints defense has to figure out how to get off the field, particularly on days when the offense struggles.

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    • HimselfOctober 29, 2012 at 10:50 am

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      Interesting thing: Pierre Thomas and Willis McGahee had the same average: 5.3 per carry. Pierre was even more consistent: subtract his longest carry, and his average is still 5 yards a pop. But he only popped eight times. McGahee carried 23 times.

      What if we’d ridden Pierre more? Could we have limited the damage? Kept Peyton off the field? Could we even have–*gasp*–won time of possession? And could we do it all while wearing strap-ons?

      I need several drinks.

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      • PhilistineOctober 29, 2012 at 1:28 pm

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        I’m with you on Pierre Thomas. While Sproles was very effective catching passes, his running was pretty pedestrian (pardon the pun): four for -1 yards. Seemed worse; every time I looked up from my fajitas, he was down in the backfield.

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      • Breesus Christ SuperstarOctober 29, 2012 at 8:54 pm

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        I thought the defense was wearing strap-ons–the receiving end–right up the poop chute.

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  • cc58October 30, 2012 at 3:32 pm

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    For the rest of the season I’ll just enjoy our victories however many they will be. I can handle this because like himself I have forty years of experience…so…

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    • cc58October 30, 2012 at 3:33 pm

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      Wow, didn’t expect that to be sooooo big. TWSS

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  • David KellyOctober 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm

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    That’s some spectacular Photoshopping! I freakin’ LOVE that film!

    The new uniform idea is interesting. Degenerate clowns? How about they dress up like McDowell and his gang in “A Clockwork Orange” with those insane codpieces?

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    • HimselfNovember 1, 2012 at 7:29 pm

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      Can you imagine our defense trying to commit the old ultraviolence on the other team? Talk about embarrassing.

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