Son of a bitch bastards!
11 Posted on October 29th, 2012 by Himself
Be of good cheer, Saints fans. If football teaches us anything, it teaches us to accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace.
How’s that working for ya? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
And, of course, it helps that Atlanta is 7-0 and looking to be the likeliest contender for the NFC representative in the Superdome next February. Won’t that just be special, for Matty Ice, Rodney White, and the Falcons to snap up a Lombardi in our house? I’m sure the chortling is non-stop right now in The City Too Busy to Have a Character.
Actually, I hardly yelled at the television at all. I expected the Saints to blow, and blow they did. I was inured. Even after a Super Bowl championship, the old muscle memory kicks in quickly when you have forty years of it to call on. (And if disgust isn’t a muscle, what is it? I ask you.)
Yeah, sucks to be a Saints fan again. Even more than it sucks to be a Pittsburgh fan, all of whom must have been mortified yesterday to see their team, in a fugue state, show up in bee costumes. Yet they won. Maybe we should get in on that action: clearly, the Steelers knew they had to win, or the day would go down in infamy. So let’s put our heads together, and come up with an historically hideous alternate uniform: maybe purple, green and gold, with feathers and sequins. And a tutu. Add a strap-on, or even two. If they’re going to play like degenerate clowns, why not dress the part?
Nah, wouldn’t work: New Orleans would get behind it. “Add more feathers! Mighty cooty fiyo!”
“See that squad all dressed in green
Iko iko an day
That’s not a defense, it’s a no-tackling, no coverage, interception-dropping machine
Jockamo fee na nay!”
What the hell…maybe this isn’t really the Saints that keeps showing up. Maybe it’s the Krewe de Vieux in black leotards. Maybe they’re just mocking us, the NFL, and everything. Maybe it’s time to just kick back and enjoy the glorious absurdity of it all. Who the hell else but New Orleanians would be capable of having fun with a season like this?
So, having fun yet?
Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Look, if it helps, I think I understand what’s happening. Surely you all remember that Boudreaux joke, in which he dies and goes to Hell? And the devil turns down the thermostat, and Boudreaux starts celebrating because he thinks it means the Saints have won the Super Bowl? Because we always knew we’d win it when hell froze over, right?
Well, what we didn’t realize was that the Saints might not be the actual cold front. See, a few years back, America elected a black president (I am not making this up). And sure enough, the next season the Saints skated right on into Miami and picked up a Lombardi. Hell was already frozen solid…we had nothing to do with it.
But starting about November 2010, Hell began to thaw, and the Saints began to slip and slide and fall on their asses. And now, when polling data strongly suggests that Hell may be totally defrosted by about January 20, 2013, our historical suckiness is reasserting itself. In fact, the Saints’ sudden and emphatic ineptitude is maybe the best indication of which way the election is actually heading.
But be of good cheer, Saints fans: it’s still manageable. In fact, it’s not even up to the team on the field any more: it’s up to us. It ain’t over ’til it’s over. Vote early and often, and the Saints can go back to being the juggernaut we’ve grown used to seeing. How can anything relating to the economy or foreign policy compare to the that?