“Roger, Roger Über Alles…”

71

 

 

When you desert your post at the beginning of a new campaign, there’s a tendency to have to play some catch-up when you return. Especially when you’re a technophobic hermit with a serious case of burnout and other things to worry about. Yet we persevere.

That’s just my way of saying there’s a bunch of stuff out there right now. Wang and Odd (awd…”angry who dat,” get it? Best I could do, sue me), who are now the starting cornerbacks in addition to being excellent bloggers, each have analyses of the Saints’ gloriously epic victory in the year’s most meaningless game.

Andrew Juge, on the other hand, doesn’t have anything because…what the hell happened? Where’s SaintsNation? I go to the link in my own sidebar, and I wind up at “Bloguin!” They want to tell me what I missed on the premier of Hard Knocks. And the Seahawks quarterback competition. And the Olympics. And baseball. And hockey. Wtf? Andrew?

Then there’s actual news, like Johnny Patrick getting injured. Luckily we have Wang. But what happens if he gets carpal tunnel? Who goes in, me? Dave? Stu? This cornerback thing is starting to look ominous…for everyone else. Because the last time this happened, and we had to sign guys off the street, we only won a Super Bowl. And that was during the season. So I’m not panicking yet, much. I hope.

And there’s a bunch of stuff on Vilma, but here’s the best: ESPN’s Johnette Howard not only rips into Goodell, she even understands the Saints!

The Saints’ franchise and many followers are riding outrage of biblical proportion. The suspended players and coaches are being treated as martyrs in New Orleans — especially Payton — and to expect anything less of a fan base in a state that has long set vivid new standards for political chicanery was probably naïve all along. The team has decided the best way to make bricks out of straw in this whole unsettled mess is to channel their righteous indignation into an angry crusade that starts right now, right here in training camp, and goes something like this: If you thought bounties made us a scourge of the league before, you haven’t seen anything yet.

That’s rare enough. But she also raises a good point, which hasn’t been raised enough, which is: why did Goodell wait so long to punish the Saints if their behavior was truly heinous? Why did Goodell ban Sean Payton for a year in 2012 for stuff that allegedly was known about in 2010?

But there’s something else that is rarely raised, too, and here I’m afraid I’m going to go all Mike Godwin on you. That’s right: it’s time for a Nazi analogy, but not the one you think.

No, I’m not talking about Roger Goodell, here. I’m talking about the fans. The other fans: in Minnesota, Philadelphia, Buffalo, Seattle, wherever, who just shrug and say things like “the Saints are crybaby cheaters, they got caught, they should take it like a man,” etc. etc. ad nauseum. (Oh, wait…that was Stu.)

To quote Mr. Wang: welp. Turns out Poland got caught too. Did you know that Germany invaded Poland in retaliation for a Polish attack on the radio station in Gleiwitz? True. The Germans even produced a dead Pole to prove it, although his name wasn’t Vilma. Now, maybe being bombed flat and occupied for five years is too harsh a sanction…maybe Germany should have reduced Poland’s penalty to, say, a year’s occupation, and cut the bombing in half. Clearly an overreaction on their part, but let’s not pretend the Poles are innocent here.

Except, of course, they were. It was a complete put-up job…and to the world’s credit, it was the last straw. World War II and all that, and Hitler ended his days in a smoking jacket (and pants). Because the world came to its senses, recognized a trend, and decided to put a stop to it. After the reoccupation of the Rhineland, the Anschluss with Austria, the dismembering of Czechoslovakia, Starcaps, and Hitler’s private vendetta against James Harrison, it had become patently obvious that he recognized no limitations on his power. But before they could put a stop to his shenanigans, millions of people died, because

First they came for the Patriots,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Patriot.
Then they came for the Steelers,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Steeler.
Then they came for the Saints,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Saint.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak out for me.

What’s important here is not what penalty might have been appropriate for the Saints, who were clearly guilty of something. What’s important is, How do you know the Saints are guilty of something? How do you know the NFL is telling the truth? Perhaps the Saints are just the “canned goods” in Operation Aiello. The NFL says they have proof; but so did Germany. And like Germany, they refused to show it. Dressing up a dead prisoner in a Polish uniform is roughly the same thing as making a typed transcription of trumped-up notes that nobody gets to see. Very roughly. Without any of the mortal sin part, but still…it’s wrong.

More than that: it’s inadequate. No matter what penalty Roger Goodell imposed on the Saints, his first responsibility was to the truth. And the big question facing NFL fans isn’t, are the penalties fair? It’s not even, is the NFL telling the truth? It’s, who’s next?

Another good question is, how do we stop this son of a bitch? And the answer to that, all you other NFL fans, is: you stop being intellectually lazy, drop the partisanship, take an objective look not only at the evidence in this case but also at the standard operating procedure throughout Goodell’s tenure, and you kick in. You say, “I hate the fucking Saints like death [you poor benighted clodpate], but if we don’t stop Goodell he’s going to destroy football.” And then you storm the beaches in Normandy.

Okay, I haven’t got this completely figured out yet. I’m willing to take suggestions, though.

Posted by Himself in Bountygate, My Lord Goodell | 71 comments

71 Comments

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  • PhilistineAugust 8, 2012 at 10:50 am

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    When the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor….? [Reductio ad Animal House]

    It’s not a constructive suggestion, but, hey – what else do you expect from this crew?

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    • HimselfAugust 8, 2012 at 11:40 am

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      I think I’ll call that “reductio ad blutarskum.”

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  • AcadieAugust 8, 2012 at 6:08 pm

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    Patriots, Steelers, Saints. Even America’s team and the Redskins got smackdowns for violating double secret probation. How many more before the madness ends? How long wilt thou forget me oh Lord? Forever? How long wilt thou hide thy face from me?

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  • FriarBobAugust 8, 2012 at 7:39 pm

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    Hitler’s atrocities didn’t truly stop until he was dead, and millions of other people had to die to accomplish that. I do hope Roger can be removed from power via at least slightly less traumatic means…

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    • BewareofDogAugust 8, 2012 at 8:32 pm

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      Why? Wouldn’t it be easier to just have him killed? It can serve as warning to anyone else who takes over his job.

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      • FriarBobAugust 9, 2012 at 12:39 am

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        Easier, perhaps. But not ethical.

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    • stujo4August 8, 2012 at 10:34 pm

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      >> millions of other people had to die to accomplish that.

      But a lot of those were Russians. So…

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      • FriarBobAugust 9, 2012 at 12:38 am

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        They may have been annoying commies but they were still human beings, jackass.

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        • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 9:58 am

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          I’m sure most of them weren’t really members of the Communist party. But it is for certain that they were a pack of filthy animals. Release the dogs!

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  • stujo4August 8, 2012 at 10:38 pm

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    Just as a reminder, Roger Goodell works for the 32 NFL franchises and their owners. He’s not doing anything the majority of the owners do not want him to do. We all remember that, right?

    Perhaps the focus of our… feelings… should be redirected to where it belongs. On the owners. Not the red headed overachiever kid living his dream to be an NFL bigshot sort of.

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    • stujo4August 8, 2012 at 11:03 pm

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      Wikipedia: Roger S. Goodell (born February 19, 1959) is the Commissioner of the National Football League (NFL), having been chosen to succeed the retiring Paul Tagliabue on August 8, 2006. He was chosen over four finalists for the position, winning a close vote on the fifth ballot before being unanimously approved by acclamation of the owners. He officially began his tenure on September 1, 2006, just prior to the beginning of the 2006 NFL season. Commentators have described him as “the most powerful man in sports”

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      • BewareofDogAugust 8, 2012 at 11:21 pm

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        Okay….so are you saying that we shouldn’t have him killed? Because, Wikipedia doesn’t have me convinced.

        What about Aiello? Can we have him killed? I mean, it’s just not fair. After everything the Saints and their fans have been through this offseason, someone needs to die.

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        • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 10:01 am

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          I think we could do worse than Roger Goodell. Somebody more like DeMauricio Smith or whatever the NFLPA leader’s name is. That would be worse.

          What’s wrong with Danny Aiello other than the crappy movies he appeared in?

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          • BewareofDogAugust 9, 2012 at 10:57 am

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            (Whatever his name) Smith and Danny Aiello? Yeah, okay…..we could have them killed but I don’t see how that’s gonna make Saints fans feel any better. Except maybe those few who have the same first name as that Smith guy and the folks who are still looking for their refunds after paying to see “Hudson Hawk”.

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          • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 5:54 pm

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      • metrymanAugust 8, 2012 at 11:47 pm

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        Just Imagine Commissioner…Mayo Shattuck III…. hmmmm….well maybe not as funny as MLB Commish Francis “Fay” Vincent, I think I would have called myself Frank.

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  • The Angry Who DatAugust 9, 2012 at 9:37 am

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    SaintsNation is now http://www.thesaintsnation.com. My bookmark was out of date too. I guess I usually just go from blog to blog with sidebar links.

    Odd? Phonetic stretch, but fairly accurate. I can live with it.

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    • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 10:04 am

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      The only thing worse than shameless self promotion is shameless Andy HooHay promotion. No, strike that. Shameless Andy HooHay promotion by Ralph is absolute rock bottom. Jesus1000 I need to take some pepto bismol.

      And if HooHay takes over CSC from Mr. Dave, I vow to stop creating 7 SB Nation accounts per week.

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      • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 10:09 am

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        Now there’s a thought: If Mr. Dave becomes so bored and decides he really doesn’t need the mere pittance that SB Nation pays him to recruit content providers, who would be the worst replacement for him? Not necessarily Andy, although that is a stomach turning notion.

        As an alternative, jeff might be entertaining. He could threaten to quit due to insubordination every 3 days instead of once a year like Mr. Dave.

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        • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 10:14 am

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          Ooh ooh…. GrandEgoWang. Holy crap.

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      • BewareofDogAugust 9, 2012 at 11:04 am

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        Um, HooHay? Isn’t that simply another way of saying “Vagina”? You know, like……When Mrs. Castleberry stood on the ladder in the library to get a book from the top shelf, I could see her “HooHay”.

        Wait…..maybe it’s “Hoo-Haa”. Doesn’t matter, I can use either one on CSC with the new “No Truncation” of cuss words rule.

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        • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 11:16 am

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          Mrs. Castleberry went commando? No panty lines. How daring.

          I don’t know if he’s a hoohay. I just know not to call him Andy.

          http://www.canalstreetchronicles.com/2011/8/2/2308894/prediction-heath-evans-will-return-to-saints#73601470

          Unless that was only for coldpizza.

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        • Breesus Christ SuperstarAugust 9, 2012 at 11:43 am

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          I believe the correct term is “hoo-haa”.

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          • BewareofDogAugust 9, 2012 at 12:32 pm

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            Hmmm…….”hoo-haa” vs “Hoo-Haa”.

            Okay, I get it……the one I used has caps which means the broad I’m banging won’t get knocked up. While you decided to go “raw” and will be subject to child support payments for the next two decades. Not to mention the sheer nastiness of doing a chick with an uncapped “hoo-haa”.

            Don’t mind me, BCS. I’m still trying figure out what cuss words I’m gonna use the next time I visit CSC.

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          • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 2:24 pm

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            hey Breesus, you have patients waiting for you, so scrub up. With Obamacare your profits will be slashed, but there’s still time for you to go into research instead.

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            • Breesus Christ SuperstarAugust 9, 2012 at 10:39 pm

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              With obamacare, they better get used to waiting.
              Don’t worry about me, I’ve got a pretty boutique practice. Don’t take Medicaid now, won’t in the future either.

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    • HimselfAugust 9, 2012 at 3:57 pm

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      Thanks…um, Odd. I updated the link in the sidebar. Andrew, let us know these things.

      And “odd” would be pronounced in New Orleans as though it was spelled “awd.” Like, “Dat sure is awd, dawlin’.” So, I figured, what the hell. How would you rather be referred to? Not “Andy,” I hope.

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      • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 4:41 pm

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        I like the “Ignore him” policy. All we need now is GSO to stumble-bum in here and type a couple of moronic paragraphs that I won’t read.

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        • HimselfAugust 9, 2012 at 4:53 pm

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          You reply without reading?

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          • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 4:57 pm

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            Oh sure. I might read the first 3 words and then I say to myself “Jesus1000…. ” and start typing.

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  • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 10:05 am

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    Where y’at Andy?

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  • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 4:44 pm

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    Question: Why would CVS want a property on a sleepy street that is 2 blocks away from a traffic light controlled intersection?

    Answer: It’s not CVS.

    Question: Are real estate offers to buy that are not in good faith, maybe even based on a hoax, prosecutable under Louisiana’s Napoleonic Code based laws?

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    • BewareofDogAugust 9, 2012 at 4:55 pm

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      Now THAT is an offspeed pitch.

      Nice.

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      • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 5:00 pm

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        Everbody know what I’m talkin’ ’bout? I mean, it’s on Facebook so it’s public domain, right? I sense some question marks coming out of some heads. Here you go. Be sure to click on Street View.

        Click here

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        • HimselfAugust 9, 2012 at 5:30 pm

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          You know, you don’t have to paste in a link with 10,000 characters in it…you can just type “click here” (or something like it), then highlight the phrase, click on the “Insert Link” icon in the editing tools, and THEN paste in the link with 10,000 characters in it. That way it doesn’t break the page.

          And not all of us have Facebook accounts, so what are you talking about?

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          • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 5:51 pm

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            I know. What I don’t know is what “break the page” means. I used the earth with the chain icon for my photo link earlier today and it didn’t work. Should have used the little indecipherable icon next to it. What is that, the moon coming up over the North Carolina “mountains” or a whale with a yellow box on its blow hole?

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          • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 5:52 pm

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            Per Mr. Dave’s facebook page:

            Dave Cariello
            about a minute ago
            Counter-offer received and it’s respectable. Deal still alive. Pretty sure it’s CVS. Would I really leave this place!?!?!?

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            • HimselfAugust 9, 2012 at 5:58 pm

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              Okay. Well, it’s right on Frat Row, next to Tulane, so I see no reason why CVS wouldn’t want a location to put in a small drug store catering mostly to the college market. Okay, beer and condoms. Still, you could make a killing.

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              • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 6:01 pm

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                Or maybe those hoochie mama Tri-Sig’s need a new house.

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            • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 5:59 pm

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              Doesn’t he mean “counter-counter offer”? And shouldn’t he be more careful who he friends on Facebook? Ok’ing HAL9000 and Klaatu71 were probably not good decisions.

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  • Doc BoudinAugust 9, 2012 at 7:14 pm

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    Am I the only one who thinks cyber-stalking a T-shirt shop owner and part-time blogger is a little, well, beyond the pale? Perhaps even beyond a whiter shade of pale?

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    • HimselfAugust 9, 2012 at 8:21 pm

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      No. But we’re hoping a gentle approach may save his soul.

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    • Breesus Christ SuperstarAugust 9, 2012 at 10:43 pm

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      No shit.

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      • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 10:46 pm

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        Oh, go count your fraudulently derived medicare receipts, you fucking quack.

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      • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 10:48 pm

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        Oh, you’re “a physician residing in nearby Mobile, AL.” Oh, you’re over here kicking stujo’s ass all over the place. Fuck you, you fucking fraud.

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        • Breesus Christ SuperstarAugust 9, 2012 at 10:56 pm

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          Creeper.

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    • stujo4August 9, 2012 at 10:45 pm

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      DB, you do realize that shameless sucking up to Mr. Dave is pointless over here, don’t you? Save it for CSC. Your odds are 1 in 20 that he sees it over there.

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      • Doc BoudinAugust 9, 2012 at 11:31 pm

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        Meh. Weak, Stu.

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  • FriarBobAugust 9, 2012 at 11:36 pm

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    It would be kinda helpful if there was some quick and easy visual way to tell which comments are new and which we’ve read already… not sure if the software supports anything like that tho.

    It would also be nice to be able to ignore annoying jackasses and hide their comments. Then they could be an idiot to their heart’s content and the rest of us could enjoy intelligent conversation with the rest of our friends around here.

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    • GSO Saints FanAugust 10, 2012 at 1:20 am

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      I’ve decided that the direct approach is an unmitigated failure. It merely pumps up the already overinflated ego of an underachieving blowhard while wasting my far more usefully deployed efforts elsewhere.

      Ignoring it may not make it go away, but it will reduce the time I spend rolling my eyes at moronic statements made merely to draw attention to the feebleminded attention who’re in question. It works swimmingly well at CSC when the resident self appointed know-it-all starts whinging about TOP….

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      • HimselfAugust 10, 2012 at 9:15 am

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        There is a direct approach that works. It’s called “locking an account.” So much for the gentle approach.

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        • Breesus Christ SuperstarAugust 10, 2012 at 10:20 am

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          About time. Thanks.

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        • GSO Saints FanAugust 10, 2012 at 11:08 am

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          Gracias.

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    • HimselfAugust 10, 2012 at 9:24 am

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      I haven’t found a plug-in that can accomplish what you want. I’ll look again…maybe someone has come up with something. The trend on the web is to use one of the big commenting systems like LiveFyre or Disqus, which I hate and won’t use.

      But there’s a way YOU can block the comments of anyone you like. You have to know how to make a custom stylesheet for your browser; then simply add this:

      .comment-author-[user name here]
      {
      display: none;
      }

      The “user name here” part needs to be replaced with the user name of the person in lower case only, and with any spaces replaced by a hyphen. So, for instance, if you really hated bass players, it would be “.comment-author-gso-saints-fan”.

      Enable your stylesheet and, as the French say, viola!

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      • GSO Saints FanAugust 10, 2012 at 11:06 am

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        HEY!!!!!

        Why’re you always pickin’ on me?!?!?

        :-(

        …now you’re buyin’ your own when I come up to visit this fall.

        :-P

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        • HimselfAugust 10, 2012 at 11:09 am

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          I just used you as an example because your user name has both upper case letters and spaces. And because you’re one of those damn bass players.

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          • GSO Saints FanAugust 10, 2012 at 12:51 pm

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            Help, help, I’m being repressed!!!

            >:-(

            Anti-bassist bias is a crime!

            (…but I’ll still buy the first round, if you buy the 2nd….)

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            • FriarBobAugust 10, 2012 at 1:00 pm

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              Did you see him repressing me? Did you? That’s what I’m on about!

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      • FriarBobAugust 10, 2012 at 11:13 am

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        Hmm that’s an interesting idea… but so far there’s only one person in particular who annoyed the hell out of me. If he’s taking a nice long break I won’t have to worry about it. On the other hand, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to practice just in case he comes back with a new name or something.

        What about the “new comments” bit? I have a feeling that it’s not possible without using one of those other systems that you despise, but I do have to admit it would be nice if it was possible…

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        • HimselfAugust 10, 2012 at 11:21 am

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          Actually, it should be possible if the plugin sets and tracks a session cookie. I believe that’s all that CSC does to accomplish that (although the way CSC uses javascript and cookies together in the most mind-bogglingly clumsy fashion isn’t anything I’d want to emulate). But I don’t know how to write plugins, so I’m limited to a strategy consisting of begging and waiting. Most of the developers seem to think it’s an excellent idea to allow one company to develop something, and then everybody adopts it. So someone else handles your comments, and someone else handles your polls, and someone else handles your emails, etc. etc. I’m old-fashioned in that I want everything under my control.

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          • FriarBobAugust 10, 2012 at 12:57 pm

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            Well if I get bored enough, perhaps I’ll end up writing it for you. Right now I’m not able to take the time… but I’m pretty sure I could figure it out if I could actually find the time…

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          • FriarBobAugust 10, 2012 at 12:58 pm

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            Oh and I completely agree about wanting things under my own control. Of course I’m a software engineer, so by definition I’m a flaming control freak. But I still completely agree anyway.

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  • HimselfAugust 10, 2012 at 1:31 pm

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    A message from our buddy Stu, posing as “Larry Keltner”:

    I’m old-fashioned in that I want everything under my control.
    That’s not old-fashioned, that’s anal retentive. Yet not good enough to be obsessive-compulsive.

    “Locked” apparently means “go start a new account”. Fine. I have experience with that.

    Don’t worry, it’s not latently homosexual for you and FriarBob to tenderly massage each other’s gigantically inflated egos. It’s just distasteful to have to witness. So, carry on.

    Oh, and fuck you GSO, you little toad.

    Apparently, Stu doesn’t have experience with starting a new account on WordPress. All first comments have to be approved. This one is not. Oh, and Larry? Account deleted.

    You really are a dick, Stu. So, carry on.

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    • Doc BoudinAugust 10, 2012 at 2:59 pm

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      Obsessive-compulsive?

      Ironic coming from a man who creates new personae on CSC on a daily basis just so he can get on to nettle the guy who runs it.

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      • HimselfAugust 10, 2012 at 3:02 pm

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        Oh, not at all. “Yet not good enough to be obsessive-compulsive.” Apparently, that’s a positive trait, one to be proud of. We little folk just don’t have it in us to be great.

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        • Doc BoudinAugust 10, 2012 at 3:16 pm

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          Good point. Although apparently, I’m now kissing your ass, because I’m not being argumentative, insulting, contrarian, or generally abusive/assholish. I’ll do better next time, Stu, I promise.

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    • Breesus Christ SuperstarAugust 10, 2012 at 3:07 pm

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      Thanks for sharing

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    • GSO Saints FanAugust 10, 2012 at 3:46 pm

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      I am neither little, nor a member of the family Bufonidae. Oh, and while I’m not homophobic, I am not interested in Mr. Pid’s not-so-latent homosexual fantasies, so I can’t help him with any of his requests.

      Is there any way to delete more than his account? Anyone have Jason Bourne’s cell number??

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      • GSO Saints FanAugust 11, 2012 at 12:33 am

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        Oh, and why would he want to fuck a little toad? I mean, aside from the whole twisted bestiality angle, does the “little toad” mean he’s got a needle dick?

        That would explain so much about his issues. On top of hiding the shame of his unnatural attraction to amphibians, he has the psychological damage from being inadequate to physically perform satisfactorily with a female of his own species. Any one of us might lash out in frustration and impotent rage under similar circumstances. Well, there is that whole none of us would be so messed up we’d want to copulate with a cold blooded bug eater with bumpy skin part…

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    • FriarBobAugust 10, 2012 at 6:55 pm

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      You know, there was actually one tiny part of that post by “Larry” that was actually factual. There is a “gigantically inflated ego” involved.

      It’s just not mine. Or yours.

      I’m sure Stu has to have mastered the process of elimination, since it can be done sitting down. So I won’t need to specify whose ego is so inflated.

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      • Doc BoudinAugust 10, 2012 at 7:24 pm

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        Is it me? Damn, I try so hard to stay humble.

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