Le Coordinateur Défensive, C’est Moi

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By the King: A Proclamation, for the Reform of His Defenders Upon the Field of Play

WHEREAS We have taken into Our Royal Consideration the valuable Acquisitions in personnel, secured to Our Crown by the labors of Our most Loyal and Valuable Servant, Mickey, Duc de Loomis; and being desirous, that all Our loving Subjects may avail themselves with all convenient Speed, of the great Benefits and Advantages, which must accrue therefrom to their viewing pleasure; We have thought fit, with the Advice and through the Inspiration of Our Most Loyal Privy Councilor, the Grandmaitre de Wang, to issue this Our Royal Proclamation, hereby to publish and declare to all Our loving Subjects, that We now take upon Ourselves the Title and Duties of Defensive Coordinator of this Our most well-beloved team, the New Orleans Saints.

To that end, We do hereby declare it to be Our Royal Will and Pleasure, that the name of Our erstwhile servant, Stephen, Sieur de Spagnuolo, be stricken from all obelisks and pylons and game-day programs. Let it be spoken no longer, wherever True Patriots of this glorious team of Saints may gather, unto the ending of time.

And in his stead, and to act as duly-appointed Vice-Regent for all his time upon the Field of Play, We do name Jonathan, Chevalier au Milieu, and do charge him to take upon himself responsibility for all Calls, Adjustments, and Strategems necessary for the Discomfiture of Our rivals, according to the design of Our Late Lamented Servant, Gregg, duc de Guillaumes, whose Name is herewith restored to its Former Glory, as well among Our Kingdom as among Our Bandwagons.

And We do further expressly cut to the chase: that Our defense, playing in a fashion of such horrendous Ineptitude, as to induce Shame and Chagrin in every feeling breast, and to write for themselves in the History of Sport, a page of such Infamy that the Heavens Themselves do tremble and seek for Bags, must of necessity gather together their Act, lest the full Weight of Our Wrath fall upon them, and they be brought to condign punishment for their artless and injudicious Service.

Given at Our Court at Metairie the fourth day of November, two thousand and twelve, in the forty-sixth year of Our Reign.

GOD Save the SAINTS.

Posted by Himself in Silly Shit | 5 comments

5 Comments

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  • HimselfNovember 4, 2012 at 12:25 pm

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    No, but really: would the Saints be any worse off having Jonathan Vilma make all the calls on the field, based on Gregg Williams’ system?

    Surely he remembers it. And he was the person responsible for making on-field adjustments anyway–many of which turned out greatly to our benefit. Vilma’s best quality was always his intelligence.

    Plus, many of our current players will remember that system, and the few who won’t (Hicks, Hawthorne, White) could be brought up to speed just as quickly as they could learn Spagnuolo’s system, which obviously is confusing the ever-loving fuck out of them.

    So why not just go back to the system that most of the players know, and which they’ve already demonstrated they play better in? Last time I checked, having the league’s 25th rated defense was a lot better than have the 32nd.

    Or…hell, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe having a historically bad defense is better than trying something that worked somewhat well in the past. Yeah, I’ve been smoking somebody’s toenails, obviously.

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    • PhilistineNovember 4, 2012 at 1:49 pm

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      January 8, 2011 – Seattle Seahawks 41, New Orleans Saints 36

      January 14, 2012 – San Francisco 49ers 36, New Orleans Saints 32

      How soon they forget.

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      • HimselfNovember 4, 2012 at 2:19 pm

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        With Gregg Williams: .759

        Without Gregg Williams: .285

        My memory works fine.

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        • PhilistineNovember 4, 2012 at 3:56 pm

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          With our without Sean Payton? Jonathan Vilma? Mickey Loomis? Joe Vitt?

          I’m not ready to hang SpagNOLA out to dry yet, although I have measured the clothsline to make sure he would fit.

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  • Breesus Christ SuperstarNovember 4, 2012 at 7:59 pm

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    So mode it be.

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