Didn’t They Ramble?

32

 

 

I had composed a long rant on the Saints’ loss to the Falcons; but after spending a couple days in reflection, I hadn’t the heart to post it. Sure, there was a lot to rant about: interceptions, dropped passes, whiffed blocks, whiffed tackles, bad clock management, and in general a complete lack of that “sense of urgency” that Drew spoke about so feelingly, so convincingly before actually, you know, taking the field. As a fan, I was hurt, incensed, affronted.

Still: that’s no reason for snark like “This game was brought to you by the letter L and the number 5. Was it?

I mean, why do we love the Saints? In actual fact, they’re just a bunch of guys working for—let’s face it—a pretty soul-less corporation, and getting paid beaucoup bucks even when they fail. Even when they fail epically. Why cheer for that? And why not let ‘em have it when they let us down?

Because they’re family, that’s why. Even if only by adoption, they’re still part of that strange entity that’s part blood, part habit, and part self-delusion, but which makes our lives larger and richer than they could have been by themselves. It’s fine for us to call Uncle Edgar a worthless souse and no gentleman, but no outsider had better let those words escape his lips in our company, or there will be consequences. Because Uncle Edgar…well, he is a worthless drunk, but he’s Uncle Edgar. So back off, pindick.

It’s the same with the Saints. I can say that Drew’s brain was farting like a Trabant running on coal oil, but then someone in a Rodney White jersey might overhear. It would give him occasion to snigger and just in general have a better day, and we wouldn’t want that.

No, decorum calls for a more somber approach, because in fact this is the end of the season, the funeral of our Lombardi hopes and our dreams of revenge against Darth Perfidious. Yeah, sure, maybe they’ll go 11-5 10-6 9-7 and still make the playoffs. Go ahead and believe that, if it makes the nights shorter for you. And maybe your parran left you his secret undermattress stash of Hubigs pies and vintage porn. Wanna bet?

Personally, I’m over it now. These things happen. All things must pass, and all that. Besides, there’s always next season. And besides, still, I refuse to believe until I see it happen (and I won’t, because it won’t) that the Falcons are a Super Bowl team. Because know what? To quote the estimable Rodney White:

“It wasn’t nothin they did.”

That Rodney, what an orator. But though he was wrong when he said it (we kicked your asses, Rodney), his words are applicable, in reverse, to this latest game. Because despite five interceptions from the highest-paid player in the entire NF of L, we still outplayed those lucky poseurs from the City Too Dumb To Be Ashamed. The Falcons’ defense didn’t force Jimmy Graham to throw a pointless block a second too soon. They didn’t force a wide-open Lance Moore to drop a sure scoring strike. They didn’t force Drew Brees to check the ball down in the middle of the field instead of throwing it away. And though they pretty much earned their turnovers and their sacks, all those plays still wouldn’t have been enough if the Saints—the real Saints—had actually showed up.

And they know it.

The Saints outplayed the Falcons all night after the opening drive. More yards, more first downs, better average gain, better 3rd down conversion rate. We even blew Atlanta out of the dome in time of possession, for pizza’s sake. All for naught, because at critical moments—and I’m not including any of the interceptions in this—the Saints failed to make the plays that the Falcons couldn’t stop them from making.

So, no. The Atlanta Falcons aren’t going anywhere in February. They’ll win the division and the first seed. They’ll get a bye, and then likely they’ll draw the Giants or the Bears in their first playoff game, and lose 56-3. Because that’s who they are. And Saints fans will mourn their stillborn season, and then get busy humping up a new one for next year and having a fine time doing so, because that’s who we are.

In the meantime, the bar’s open, and drinks are on the house. We’re all family here. What’ll ya have? Hey, no humping on the tables.

Posted by Himself in Game Day | 32 comments

32 Comments

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  • PhilistineDecember 1, 2012 at 12:25 pm

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    Awesome post; much better attitude than the first one. Frankly, I get worked up about a lot of things; but I’ve resolved myself to eliminating fucking football games from that assemblage of crackpot rantings. Actually, I’m trying to eliminate as many of the other crackpot rantings as possible. Life’s too short.

    Odds are the Saints aren’t going to be playing in January. We can write off this season as a transitional period that presages great things next year – and really believe it, if we purge from our memories the six images of Brees passes nestling themselves in Falcons hands (yes, six; one was called back for a borderline Atlanta offsides penalty). The offense isn’t looking like the well-oiled machine it did last year; it’s going to need an improved defense to stay in games. That’s ok. We’ve all screamed for balance at one time or another. While prolific offensive production is fun to watch, so is a linebacker blowing up a running play in the backfield for a two-yard loss or a DT collapsing the pocket and falling on the QB like a to of bricks.

    Now, the bit about the “undermattress stash of Hubigs pies;” that’s just nasty; especially when paired with a nearby stash of porn magazines. Ewww.

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    • PhilistineDecember 1, 2012 at 12:27 pm

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      That would be a ton of bricks.

      It’s all the keyboard’s fault.

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    • HimselfDecember 1, 2012 at 2:09 pm

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      Ewww.

      Hey, it’s your parran.

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      • PhilistineDecember 1, 2012 at 6:03 pm

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        Never had a paran; that’s what uncles were for.

        I did have an uncle or two that – well, I don’t know; the Hubig’s part might have been too outré.

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  • WangDecember 1, 2012 at 12:34 pm

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    Hey, no humping on the tables.

    Welp… shit. I mean… just… now what the hell am I supposed to do?

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  • Breesus Christ SuperstarDecember 1, 2012 at 9:57 pm

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    Well if you’re going to end our season by giving five interceptions to our arch-nemesis, it’s only fair that your personal td streak end as well.
    I’m having scotch, if you please.
    Not too distraught about missing the playoffs, because after learning 2009′s lesson of what it takes to win it all, I knew this team couldn’t go all the way. And that knowledge of what it takes gives me comfort knowing that Atlanta ain’t got it either. And since we’re only playing for rings from now on, and they are still playing for a measly playoff win, I’d prefer the better draft spot thank you very much.

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    • HimselfDecember 2, 2012 at 9:32 am

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      I’ve already turned my thoughts to the draft, and what player

      …oh, sorry, here’s your scotch

      and what player or players we might be able to pick up, and I was shocked to see that, at 5-7, the Saints currently sit 16th in the draft order. We have to pull for the Saints to lose all the rest of their games, and for every other team to win all the rest, or we get a middling position, without even the benefit of a second-rounder.

      We can pretty much depend on getting just one starter out of the draft. So who should it be?

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      • PhilistineDecember 10, 2012 at 3:53 pm

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        That draft order is looking a little more favorable after yesterday’s game.

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  • HansDatDecember 2, 2012 at 12:24 pm

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    Nicely, put, Yourself.

    Enjoyed reading it. I’m somewhere in between “wait til next year” and “we’re still alive this year”!! Kinda feels like it’s about to be 1989 to me again. Season over, but a fun 3-0 run with Fourcade to enjoy in December.

    But whatever happens, happens.

    I’ll take a double Maker’s on the rocks, please. With some chili cheese fries. Early grave? Whatever.

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    • HimselfDecember 2, 2012 at 3:18 pm

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      Here…just take the bottle.

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      • HansDatDecember 2, 2012 at 4:46 pm

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        Great. Here. take my credit card to start a tab, and my car keys. I’ll need a ride home.

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        • HimselfDecember 2, 2012 at 8:41 pm

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          I’ll call you a taxi.

          You’re a taxi.

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  • HansDatDecember 2, 2012 at 12:30 pm

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    Also, I don’t think the difference between 9-7 and 5-11 will actually get us that much better a player. I just don’t believe Pay-Loo’s first round pick track record merits that much energy put into jockeying for position. Sedrick Ellis @ #7 < Cameron Jordan @ # 24.

    Some might say I'm kind of short-sighted and selfish right now (which may be to the detriment of the team's long-term prospects), but I think I'd rather enjoy a fun December and let the 2013 first round sort itself out later, and maybe this is a good topic for discussion.

    What do you want for yourself and the Saints for the rest of 2012, and why? And be sure to jump on and attack others' choices to make for lively banter!!

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    • Breesus Christ SuperstarDecember 2, 2012 at 9:28 pm

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      I’d still like to beat the bucs. After that, lets just go for the draft.
      We need the best pass rusher in the draft. Not the best pass rusher at our spot, but the consensus best pass rusher. They are every bit as hard to come by as an elite qb and just a little bit less important. With the rookie salary cap it wouldn’t cost much money to move up, just picks that we would waste anyway. And with our cap situation, we wouldn’t be able to get one in free agency. Not that there will be one in free agency anyway.

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      • HimselfDecember 3, 2012 at 7:24 am

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        Can we draft a new blocking scheme?

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  • PhilistineDecember 2, 2012 at 9:02 pm

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    Hey, folks, check out this graphic from the Times Picayune:

    The defense is making progress.

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  • vjdancerDecember 3, 2012 at 9:25 am

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    I don’t know if my drink has a name – but my 24 year old neice has got me into drinking cranberry sierra mist with vanilla vodka. “On the rocks” please – because that makes me sound like a big drinker.

    I enjoyed your post. I’ve been one of those “insane, delusional #wegotthis 11-5, well ok 10-6, well…whatever we’re still gonna make the playoffs #storybook” optimists this season and the most difficult part for me is our own (and by “our” I mean “Drew’s”) part in our apparent demise. I guess I expected that if they didn’t give us the fairy tale, I could take comfort in the fact that they did everything they could to win – and they just didn’t get the breaks. Like the Green Bay game. And maybe that is still true.

    I mean, I seriously doubt that Drew intented to throw 6 actual and 5 on record interceptions in a game as important as this one was – to our “most hated” division rival. I hardly think Lance “Circus Catch” Moore intended to drop a pretty much uncircus-like catch in the end zone. I’m convinced Jimmy didn’t mean to make a completely unnecessary block to wipe a touchdown we desperately needed away.

    I chose to believe they could pull it off because for me, sitting around all week with every post and every comment harping on all the reasons why they CAN’T do it – just takes all the fun out of being a fan. Right now, I still kinda want them to run the table – just in case there are some upsets in Seattle’s future. (There is still a chance, right? ;) )

    I had a dream Drew had a perfect game (literally) against the Giants and we blew them right out of the Meadowlands (I’m from NJ – it will always be the Meadowlands and the Garden State Arts Center – no matter what Met Life and PNC Bank have to say about it). Then everyone forgave him. Seattle lost every game they have left, so did everyone else and we slipped in at 9-7 and beat everybody!! Ok, I just made that last part up, but I did dream about the perfect game.

    Sorry for rambling…CSC is giving me all kinds of fits now because I can’t upgrade my browser to keep up with all their spiffy new changes. I’m going through Who Dat withdrawal at the worst possible time. :(

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    • PhilistineDecember 3, 2012 at 10:07 am

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      Why not just cranberry juice instead of that fake stuff? Just curious.

      I chose to believe they could pull it off because for me, sitting around all week with every post and every comment harping on all the reasons why they CAN’T do it – just takes all the fun out of being a fan.

      I have to agree with that, and I hope your dream comes true. The defense is ramping up just as Drew seems to be wearing down. I think the problem is that he’s getting hit a lot right now, which makes him trigger-happy (it would me, I know that much). Hopefully, Zach Strief will be healthy for the next game. In the meantime, I hope that Drew develops some trust in his defense and doesn’t force the ball so much.

      I don’t much like the new format at CSC either. It’s not rendering well, and I’m not a big fan of the way it looks. Oh, well.

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      • vjdancerDecember 3, 2012 at 11:17 am

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        Why not just cranberry juice instead of that fake stuff? Just curious.

        Alright, but no teasing…for the bubbles. I do tend to walk tip-toe on the wild side.

        You have a point about the hits – I tend to think it’s ok if he doesn’t get sacked, doesn’t always mean he didn’t get hit. I had a feeling Strief might have been back too soon, but then what do I know?

        #beatthegiants

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        • HimselfDecember 3, 2012 at 11:45 am

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          I don’t have cranberry anything. How about some Everclear? I can even put it on the rocks.

          I quit CSC when the new changes came through. Doesn’t load properly in my browser of choice (hell, it doesn’t load at all, just activates that old spinner and plays with itself). I let Dave know it wasn’t him, or them, but just the site programming…but honestly, I think they f’ed up with the new design, too. I’m not an Enemy of the Scroll as a lot of people are, but I don’t like having to scroll halfway to Panama just to see what’s new on the home page.

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          • vjdancerDecember 4, 2012 at 8:25 pm

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            I don’t have cranberry anything. How about some Everclear? I can even put it on the rocks.

            Welp, I don’t know what Everclear is and I dont’ feel like googling right now but…hit me! I’m walking on the wild side, people. ;)

            I haven’t been a Saints fan for long but I’ve spent all of it completely alone in my Brees/Colston love in a state and family full of Giants fans. Moving to DE didn’t help matters much. LOL Finding CSC and other Saints fans to talk to was such a gift. I just can’t let it go. Fortunately, I can use Google Chrome at home and that has really helped the way it looks. But overall, I just don’t like it and I find myself not getting as involved as I want to be.

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        • PhilistineDecember 3, 2012 at 3:45 pm

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          How about cranberry juice, club soda (for the bubbles), a little simple syrup if the cranberry is too tart for you, and your vanilla vodka? I’ve started reading labels and eating healthfully in my middle years – and there’s nothing natural about Sierra Mist.

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          • Breesus Christ SuperstarDecember 4, 2012 at 9:57 am

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            This sounds much better

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          • vjdancerDecember 4, 2012 at 8:33 pm

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            Well that does sound much better! But this bar doesn’t have any cranberry so I just might have to experiment with that…in reality. :) Thanks for the suggestion!

            And thank you, Breesus. :)

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            • PhilistineDecember 4, 2012 at 9:34 pm

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              OK, Himself, how about springing for some cranberry juice for the lady? What are you trying to do to her with that Everclear, anyway?

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    • Breesus Christ SuperstarDecember 4, 2012 at 9:56 am

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      I like your attitude VJ

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  • HimselfDecember 5, 2012 at 8:16 am

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    Okay, got the cranberry in. Had to special order it. Only the best for Saints fans.

    1 oz. Stolichnaya vanilla vodka
    2 oz. Lakewood cranberry juice

    Shake vodka and juice with ice and pour into champagne flute. Add Nicholas Feuillatte Brut Reserve champagne to top. Stir and serve with vanilla bean.

    Does the “VJ” stand for “vanilla & juice”?

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    • vjdancerDecember 5, 2012 at 11:04 pm

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      WOW!! That is beautiful – and most probably, quite delish! [clearly worthy of this fat tip I'm leaving]. I really am going to try this at my niece’s birthday party this weekend.

      The V & J are my actual initials, but if this drink is as good as it looks, I’d consider changing it.

      Oh and guys, I googled that Everclear stuff…whoah. Be careful with that!! Designate a driver. ;)

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  • PhilistineDecember 5, 2012 at 11:38 am

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    Damn, dude. Above and beyond. That looks awesome.

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    • Breesus Christ SuperstarDecember 5, 2012 at 4:22 pm

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      The vanilla bean garnish is a nice touch. This is a much fancier establishment than I usually find myself in.

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      • HimselfDecember 5, 2012 at 5:26 pm

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        Don’t everybody get their hopes up. I did it for the lady. The rest of you can have Everclear.

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  • Doc BoudinDecember 8, 2012 at 8:09 pm

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    for pizza’s sake

    Please. Don’t.

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