Daily Special, September 7, 2012

10

 

 

Excuse me while I whip this out. No, not that…I mean the big, embarassing thing called “politics.” Supposed to be verboten for a sports blog, right? Well, this isn’t Deutschland, Adolf. And we’re all adults. And besides, this isn’t really about politics, much.

Last night, by most accounts, President Barack Obama gave history’s most uninspiring acceptance speech. I don’t know; I didn’t see it. I’m only going by what seems to be the virtually unanimous opinion of the media and blogosphere, left and right. But it was one phrase in one negative assessment, by Michael Tomasky—hardly a right-winger himself—in The Daily Beast, that caught my attention:

This was the rhetorical equivalent, forgive the football metaphor, of running out the clock: Obama clearly thinks he’s ahead and just doesn’t need to make mistakes. But when football teams do that, it often turns out to be the biggest mistake of all, and they lose.

I’m sorry: “forgive the football metaphor”? Forgive? Because, why? …football is so un-vegan? But still, Tomasky’s essential point is a good one: it seems the Obama camp believes it has this one sewn up, and is playing it safe. No need to throw long—just come out in the victory formation, bleed the clock, and go home a winner. (As a personal aside, my all-time favorite Saints play was Drew Brees taking a knee in Miami.) But why do they believe the election’s in the bag?

Because of polls.

Also, of course, because they’re mentally challenged, and delusional into the bargain, but we won’t go there. What’s interesting is this: they don’t know what the score really is. Nobody does. And that’s what got me thinking, and writing this long-winded introduction to what is actually a pretty simple what-if scenario: what if a football team never knew precisely what the score was?

What if all they had to go by was the emotional tone of the crowd, their own gut instinct…or polls, known to be unreliable? How would they proceed?

Well, for one thing, they’d never try to run out the clock. They would always be trying to score, even if it meant they wound up winning by scores like 212-3 and the media crybabies took to calling them “arrogant.” And while it might not seem as though it would affect the defensive strategy quite so much—the goal is always to stop the other team from scoring, after all—it might be that it would affect it even more.

If you didn’t know what the score was, of course you’d throw that TD pass to Darren Sproles with 2:51 left. You might even go for two. But what if you didn’t have the ball? What if, say, there was only 40 seconds left, and your opponent had to go 67 yards, and the likelihood of a score seemed pretty low—but, on the other hand, as far you knew, they were ahead by three? You need the ball back. Now. So you attack the offense in the best way you know how; if you’re a blitzing team, that means you blitz. To hell with leaving their best playmaker in one-on-one coverage by a safety: go for the quarterback. Try to kill the head. Strip-sack, recover, punch it in, go home.

Of course, if you do know what the score is, you’re mentally challenged, and delusional into the bargain, to opt for such a strategy. And that may explain what happened in San Francisco last January. But I don’t think so: surely Gregg Williams knew the score, right? Because if he didn’t, he’d have to be…mentally challenged. And delusional into the bargain.

What he should have done, looking back on it, is to have given the speech of his lifetime before the game. A real stem-winder of a speech, something to fire up the troops and send them out ready to eat glass and spit nails. But if you give them nothing but a bunch of tired cliches, things they’ve been hearing for years and long ago ceased to take seriously, there’s a chance they may collapse in the fourth quarter. And if you let the speech be recorded…well, there’s no telling what trouble might come from that. It could be the end of your career.

Maybe the first week of November will resemble the last four minutes of the Saints-49ers: both teams trying desperately to score, both teams trying desperately to stop the other. Or, maybe it will be a long, slow grind, as one team runs out the clock, only to check the scoreboard and find their assumptions were a bit off. No one knows. That’s why they play the games.

Gosh, I hope you’ve enjoyed this short diversion into the minefield. For me, it’s been fun getting away from sports into the desert of the real for awhile. Find out what’s going on, catch up on popular culture and vegetables and stuff. And who the fuck is Honey Boo Boo?

On the Jukebox

Ah, pop culture. I said to myself I would put up whatever is currently #1 on the pop charts, and here it is: a man singing about his dick. I don’t see anything culturally ominous about this, do you? No worries. Forward.

Posted by Himself in Daily Specials | 10 comments

10 Comments

Please note: This Comments section is provided as a forum in which visitors may express themselves freely, as in any other public forum in America. However, slanderous, threatening, abusive, or off-topic replies, or spam of any kind, are subject to deletion. (Threats, for that matter, will be promptly reported to the proper authorities.) We also reserve the right to terminate user accounts at any time, at our discretion. Readers should not assume any endorsement by Who Dat Social Club of any opinion or assertion of fact occurring in any comment (other than those generated as replies by the writers of Who Dat Social Club), or linked to by any comment. Having said all this: have at it, and thank your forefathers for their wisdom in guaranteeing free speech, and Al Gore for inventing the Internet.

  • FriarBobSeptember 7, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

     

    This was great. You mock politicians (well mostly the left, but almost all politicians are idiots these days), Goodell, GW, and idiots who sing about their penis all in one fell swoop. Good job.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
  • cc58September 7, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

     

    So just one question…how would they not know the score. I get the no score board idea, but they have to know when each team scores. I guess you build a team black out dugout, and when the O is on the field the D goes in so they don’t know what happen. Seriously, that could work. If they are back out on the field quickly they have no idea if the team made a quick drive or turned the ball over. Same for the O. But them in the blackout dugout, and they don’t know if the opposing team scored quickly or at all, or if they turned the ball over.
    You say, wait if the O gets the ball back in the other team territory they have to know it’s a TO. but I say Niet. Special teams could have just had a good return.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
    • HimselfSeptember 7, 2012 at 5:07 pm

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

       

      Um…it’s just a thought experiment. The kind we used to need sinsemilla for. Don’t take it too seriously.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
      • cc58September 8, 2012 at 3:28 pm

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

         

        God I can’t wait for retirement…I sure miss that Sinsemillia…But I still say it doesn’t hold a candle to the good ole Red Bud Colombian we used to get right off the shrimp boats.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
  • AcadieSeptember 7, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

     

    No, no, no. The scoring paradigm is what changes. What the team has actually accomplished is not the whole story in scoring anymore. Instead, fan enthusiasm, in the stadium, and across the ethernet, influences the decisions of the referees (the electoral college, in the original sense, empowered to make these kinds of tough decisions) as to whether to award points for plays. The results are not announced until hours after the game is over. Penalities will be assessed by journalists. We will have local boosters stuffing ballot boxes to queer the official tallies. I can’t find a hanging chad equivalent here. Need some help.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
    • FriarBobSeptember 7, 2012 at 7:38 pm

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

       

      The hanging chad would be when the journalists would decide if the TD or FG attempt was “pretty” enough to be counted as a legitimate score.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
      • HimselfSeptember 7, 2012 at 7:46 pm

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

         

        No, no, no. The whole “chad” controversy was over intent. So the referees have to be empowered to say, “Well, Pierre Thomas clearly intended to score when he was knocked out, so we award the win to the Saints.”

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
        • PhilistineSeptember 7, 2012 at 9:08 pm

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

           

          But, wait – his shirt-tail was loose, so his run was spoiled.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
        • PhilistineSeptember 7, 2012 at 9:33 pm

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

           

          I have an idea – let’s ask nine old men (actually eight old men and an old woman – but who can tell what they are under those robes?) riding the bench to decide for us.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote
          • PhilistineSeptember 7, 2012 at 9:43 pm

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

             

            CORRECTION
            According to Wikipedia, Sandra Day O’Connor was still on the court for Bush v. Gore, so the Deciders number seven men and two women. We regret the error.

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 Please log in to vote

Leave a comment

Create an Account | Already a member?

Archives

Categories

Blogroll

The Crass Upstarts

“A riot is an ugly thing.”

The Legitimate Media

“Now, gods, stand up for bastards!”

The Establishment

“Love ’em or hate’em, ya gotta love ’em. And hate ’em.”

Support Troops

“In token of our appreciation for services rendered, this fine, fat link.”

Because We Care

“FYYFF.”