Hell. It’s even worse today than it was yesterday. Nothing is happening out there, nothing at all. It’s so bad that Andrew Juge is actually writing about basketball!
What’s more, it’s going to be close to a hundred here today. Of course, to people in New Orleans, that’s in no way remarkable. But I live in the mountains of North Carolina, and a day that hot is like spending an afternoon under a broiler, but without the advantage of having a decent snoball stand nearby.
What a waste of 24 hours.
So what the hell: I hereby declare this Random Fact Day. If the NFL won’t oblige us by giving us something to talk about, maybe Wikipedia will.
Did you know, for instance, that cluster decay is a type of nuclear decay in which a parent atomic nucleus with A nucleons and Z protons emits a cluster of Ne neutrons and Ze protons heavier than an alpha particle but lighter than a typical binary fission fragment? I didn’t either, but Matt Bowen says that the proper way to defend against cluster decay is for both safeties to take deep drops and station themselves on the numbers, channeling routes to the outside.
Okay, that didn’t work. So, in a desperate effort to prevent a sewing circle from breaking out, let’s swap drink recipes.
This is my current favorite:
1 ounce Zaya Gran Reserva rum
1/2 ounce St. Elizabeth Allspice Dram
Juice of 1/2 lime
Dash Angostura bitters
Shake together with ice, strain into glass over ice and add tonic water 1-to-1.
I call this the WhatDat. It’s really a sort of pretentious grog. And I’m out of Zaya, damn it.
If I were out of allspice dram, I could make it myself. In fact, I’ve done so, using Chuck Taggart’s recipe. I actually like this better…it has a smoother edge to it. Another random fact: my wife and Chucky grew up on the same street in New Orleans East.
Oh, this just in: Roger Goodell has been indicted on 27 charges of lying to a grand jury investigating his use of oxygen for immoral purposes.
Doc BoudinJune 30, 2012 at 1:31 pm
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No football? Appletini please. And somebody pass the pinking shears.
On days like this, a glass of cold tepache goes down incredibly easy, even if it doesn’t have a high ethanol content.
1 pineapple, foliage and base removed, skin on, chopped into 1″ pcs.
2 whole cloves
2 whole allspice
4-in pc cinnamon bark
9 1/2 cups cold water
1 pound dark brown sugar
1 c. beer, something fairly light; pilsener is fine. Reserve the rest of the beer for me.
Crush the spices. Combine 8 c. water, spices, and pineapple in a crock or earthenware jug, cover, and let sit in the sun for three days until it starts to get bubbly on top. Ignore how it looks at this point. Bring 1.5 c. water and sugar to simmer in a saucepan, melting all the sugar. Cool, then add to pineapple mixture, along with the beer, and stir. Let sit for another day or two. Strain, serve very cold, and thank me later.
This is what prisoners make in some parts of Mexico instead of toilet wine. This version is probably a little tastier, though, and doesn’t require a toilet. But hey, if you have a spare crapper you can drag out into the heat, go for it.
HimselfJune 30, 2012 at 2:46 pm
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You wouldn’t happen to have a recipe for yellow nutsedge horchata, would you?
Doc BoudinJune 30, 2012 at 3:39 pm
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Big fan of horchata, but I’ve never had the chufa version, just the standard rice-and-almond version. I’ve got one that uses cantaloupe seeds, from Diana Kennedy’s (1984) recipe book (that’s where I found the tepache); it’s supposed to be awesome, but I’ve never tried it.
HimselfJune 30, 2012 at 5:10 pm
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I got all the nutsedge you could need, was you to make a batch.
Doc BoudinJune 30, 2012 at 6:04 pm
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You grow it? Or more properly, are you a victim of it? This recipe comes from the Clemson U. Extension Service:
2 lbs yellow nutsedge tubers
2 lbs sugar
20 cups water
1 cinnamon stick
1. Clean, rinse and then soak the tubers in water for 12-14 hours
2. Rinse the tubers several more times until the water runs clear
3. Blend tubers in blender with a small amount of water until smooth
4. Add water and cinnamon stick to mixture and let soak in fridge for 2 hours
5. Add sugar and stir to dissolve
6. Pass the mixture through a fine mesh filter and then a cloth to remove the particles and serve cold.
Most of the recipes I’ve seen online are from the crunchy types, touting its nutritional value, and generally lack anything that would actually make it taste good. The Spanish seem to love the stuff.
HimselfJune 30, 2012 at 6:27 pm
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Two pounds of yellow nutsedge tubers from one urban yard is “give up in disgust” time. You really would have to grow it like a crop to get that much…which is exactly what they do in countries that can’t grow REAL crops, like Florida betony.
Doc BoudinJune 30, 2012 at 7:03 pm
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Well, how bad do you want it? That horchata’s not just going to make itself, man.
HimselfJune 30, 2012 at 7:37 pm
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Automatic horchata
Doc BoudinJune 30, 2012 at 6:08 pm
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The “edible” weed in our yard is Florida betony, which is everywhere, is virtually impossible to eradicate, and produces these ugly little white, segmented tubers that look like big grubs. These tubers are supposed to taste a lot like parsnips. Too bad I hate goddamned parsnips.
Doc BoudinJune 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm
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Well, shit, if I’m the only customer you got today, I’m takin’ my pants off again.
BewareofDogJune 30, 2012 at 10:42 pm
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Sorry I’m late guys. I was helping my daughter and her husband move into their new home today. I just got back and figured I’d stop in for a beer. Gee, it’s a little empty in here tonight. Oh shit!! No wonder!! Doc, put your goddamn pants back on!!! And what the hell is that you’re doing!! Oh, hell no…..I’m outta here.
Doc BoudinJune 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm
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What, a guy can’t make nutsedge horchata in his underwear? Geez…
Admittedly, it’s much easier to make it in a bowl.
stujo4June 30, 2012 at 11:24 pm
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I take a little vacation and things here go from shitty to shitté. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.
Doc BoudinJune 30, 2012 at 11:46 pm
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Oh, sure, NOW everybody shows up…
stujo4June 30, 2012 at 11:27 pm
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Speaking of clogged toilets, CSC doesn’t even show Fanposts now. You have to click on “All Fanposts” to see them. That didn’t even happen in 2008 when there were 9 members. Steep decline? More like a fucking nosedive. For shame. I can’t even be bothered to log on and get banned. Arriva doucheé.
Doc BoudinJune 30, 2012 at 11:51 pm
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That’s weird. It showed the normal, full list the last time I got on there, maybe an hour ago. I’m thinking glitch.
HimselfJuly 1, 2012 at 10:53 am
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Hey guys, the tepache’s ready. It’s in the men’s room if you want some.
PhilistineJuly 1, 2012 at 12:02 pm
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That sounds ominous.
When did this place turn into The Dungeon?
The Angry Who DatJuly 1, 2012 at 12:28 pm
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You guys and your fancy drinks. I’ll have Crown Black and Coke. Make it a double.
Do you accept Bounty Bucks?
http://bountybucks.wordpress.com/
HimselfJuly 1, 2012 at 1:18 pm
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Sure. Do you accept virtual doubles?
HimselfJuly 1, 2012 at 5:13 pm
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Okay, today’s high gets a free drink. Here it was 100…and that’s in the mountains, where 100 means more. But we won’t get into relative terms…absolute temperature wins it.
Doc BoudinJuly 1, 2012 at 7:10 pm
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Beat me. An arctic 93 here in beautiful downtown Zachary, LA. I haven’t seen the sun since, oh, 15 minutes ago. Seasonal Affective Disorder should kick in soon, and I may be forced to put my pants back on to avoid frostbite. Humidity’s only 79%, too; I can feel myself drying up like an Aleutian mummy.
GSO Saints FanJuly 1, 2012 at 11:42 pm
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Thermometer in my carport in Greensboro read 102 @ 3 this afternoon. I’ll take a Dogfish Head 120, thanks.
HimselfJuly 2, 2012 at 10:10 am
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Urban heat island effect…doesn’t count. Only official weather readings, please.
Come up to Asheville (where it’s cooler) and I’ll buy you a real one.
cc58July 4, 2012 at 2:05 pm
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Over here in AR we have been 100+ for the past two weeks with at least another week in the forecast to go. But we did have a few days where it was a dry heat. Damn, that almost sounds like what someone from AZ would say.
GSO Saints FanJuly 2, 2012 at 4:29 pm
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Hey now, I bet we have better shade in my neighborhood than anyplace within the city limits of Asheville! But ok, I’ll concede to your “urban heat island” hoax….and take you up on that beer up the mountain as soon as we get moved into the new place.